The Military Family

After passing through customs at Baltimore-Washington International Airport, returning military personnel are greeted by a large group of good hearted Americans. These folks are there to cheer and welcome us home. It can be an emotional moment. I received several cards from elementary school kids. I still have them. They are tucked away in a box for safe keeping. But, there is so much more to military life than what the service member endurs. Often, the struggles of the spouses, the kids, the parents, and the communities are even more difficult. We often hear about military families and the sacrifices that they make. But, just what is the experience of a military family?

As a family physician at Charleston Air Force Base, I see many examples of military life from the perspective of the family. One such example is an army wife that I have seen on many occasions in our clinic. (there is an army reserve unit in Charleston that come to our base for healthcare) She comes in not because her back hurts or that her allergies are acting up or that her blood pressure is high. All of those things may be true. But, this army wife comes in because she needs to talk. It is that simple. She needs to cry. She needs to laugh. She needs someone else to know outside her circle of friends that being an army wife is just plain hard. Things are better now that her husband is home from a year long deployment to Afghanistan. But, adjusting back to having a warm body next you to at night also is not exactly easy. The whole military wife experience is difficult. The least I can do is lend an ear.

Sometimes I can see that a family is falling apart slowly but surely. How can a young family be expected to survive when one of them is gone in a combat zone every other year? Many of them do not make it. One day I was told by one of my patients that he did not think his marriage would last another deployment. He is a young guy, his wife is even younger, and they have 2 toddlers. Going away to a dangerous place puts incredible stress on the family unit. The kids are affected probably more than we even understand. I just do not know how some of these families make it. And, this young family probably would not have made it intact much beyond 2011 except for a freak accident. My patient stepped out of a car and twisted his left knee. He was in quite a bit of pain when he came into the clinic. I examined him and then ordered a knee MRI (which I do not do very often). Several weeks later it was done. I have never been so happy to see that someone tore their anterior cruciate ligament! He needed surgery. He would not deploy again in 2011. His family suddenly had a much better chance to become stronger and to stay together.

The U.S. Military has bases all over the world. Essentially we have stayed in every place where war was waged with the exception of Vietnam. Places like Germany and Japan have a number of bases and thousands of Americans there. Entire families spend years living overseas. They live in places like Adana, Turkey or Weeting, England. Their kids go to Department of Defense schools. The women often travel to larger bases at the 34 week mark of their pregnancy to deliver the baby. These families also get to experience many unique things like climbing all over roman ruins in Turkey, swimming in the Mediterranean, visiting castles, taking in the new year in Edinburgh, or seeing live shows in the theatres of London. The kids make friends, and then move away multiple times. The family that I speak of here is that of my brother, Lieutenant Colonel Chris Hayes.

Others of us delay having a family or settling down because that it simply not in the cards for us. It can be better that way. But even those of us who are single in the military have families. When we deploy, many people are thinking of us. There are countless prayers from our parents, our siblings, our friends, and just about anyone who knows us. When the unthinkable happens, entire communities mourn the dead. So, we are all part of one family in the end... The Military Family.